Only the Finest

"What a dumbass!" the cop exclaimed when he came across a man draped over a limb of the big oak tree in the middle of the park. "Hey, you. What are you doing up there?"

"I had to jump from the alien ship," the man replied. The cop laughed.

"Right, of course you did."

"They tried to do tessing on me but I got away," the man slurred.

"Alright, come on down."

"I can't. I'll break my neck! I need you to come get me. You's one of Yuma's finest. You can do it!"

"I don't get paid enough for this," the cop said as he started to climb up the tree. Just as he got to the man he vanished and the tree morphed into a spaceship.

"Dinner time," the creature who'd been disguised as a drunk man called. The room filled with a dozen young creatures. "Only the finest for my children. Bon appetit!"

Chances

Joyce's eyes are closed as she jumps from the plane and starts to freefall. She counts to thirty, like she'd been taught, then pulls the cord. As the parachute expands, she opens her eyes. The view is fantastic and she can't believe how far she can see.

"I can do this!" Joyce thinks, proud of herself for taking a chance.

She closes her eyes again as the earth gets closer, scared she is going to crash and break all her bones. She tries to remember what the instructor told her when she suddenly lands on something soft. Before she opens her eyes, the skanky smell of the municipal landfill assaults her nose and she starts to heave.

Joyce stumbles of of the pile of trash then steps on her shoelace and falls on her face in a compost pile. From the office she hears the workers laughing at her as Joyce wipes decayed squash and tomatoes from her face, and vows, "Never again!"

Prompt: shoelaces, leap, stanky

It Pays to Listen

“Don’t skip out now, ya hear?” Bertha, the sole waitress at the small diner, said as she handed a man who was passing through his check. “Hank is in an ugly mood.”

            Two cowboys who were regulars at the diner laughed. “When is he not ugly?” the taller one asked then they laughed some more.

            “You boys behave or I’ll have Hank teach you a lesson,” Bertha replied then headed into the kitchen to make a batch of iced tea. A few minutes later she heard a scuffle in the dining area and stormed back out. “What’s going on here?”

            “This here stranger thought he wouldn’t pay,” said the taller cowboy who was holding the man against the wall. “Ain’t that right Jim?”

            “That’s right.”

            “Let me go! I left the money on the table!” the stranger said as he struggled to get away.

            “I don’t see no money,” Jim replied.

            “You took it!”

            “Now see, we don’t like it when people make accusations like that around these parts,” Jim said.

            “Ben, you better bring him out back to Hank.”

            “Wait … what? I just want to pay my bill and leave.”

            “You should’ve had thought of that before,” Ben replied then started to drag the man out of the diner with Jim and Bertha following close behind.

They stopped next to a large animal pen. “You can’t do this to me! I have rights!”

            “Boy, you’re in Texas. We have our own rules,” Jim said. “Hank! Come here boy,” Jim called out. A small grey creature ran out of the dog house, headed straight for the stranger and tried to bite him through the fencing.

            “What is that … that thing?” the stranger asked, horrified.

            “That’s my pet Chupacabra,” Bertha answered.

            Bertha carefully unlocked the entrance and Ben shoved the man inside. Hank pounced on him and quickly started tearing the man apart, his screams piercing the mid-afternoon quiet.

            As they made their way inside, Bertha said, “People jus’ don’t listen.”

            When they got back inside, she got the cowboys slices of pie. “Thanks for your help boys.”

            “Anytime, Bertha,” they replied and ate down their pie.

            Outside there was an eerie silence. Bertha looked out the window in the kitchen. Hank was taking a nap, curled up next to a pile of bones and a half eaten carcass. She went back to making lemonade, happy knowing her pet would be well fed until the next stranger passed through.

Prompt: Texas, skip, ugly

The Sacrifice

The earth rumbled and everything in the house wobbled as the thirteenth earthquake of the week hit the small village. "Those damned earth trolls," Bonnie exclaimed as she watched the family pictures on the walls sway, coming dangerously close to falling off their hooks.

"I hope today’s sacrifice works," Joey replied without looking up from his newspaper.

"Me, too. I'm getting tired of their demands. The last five fairies were perfectly good. Fussy bastards!" Bonnie said then went back to her knitting.

Later that afternoon, everyone in the village gathered around the square. A jeweled gilded cage with a beautiful fairy inside was placed before the altar. Her wails could be heard for miles. The high priestess called on the gods to bless the offering then beseeched the earth trolls to accept their gift. Everyone waited with bated breath.

Suddenly the ground rumbled and opened, swallowing the fairy and cage then closed again. The crowd cheered and celebrated then headed home to make dinner. Their homes were safe ... for now.

Prompt: Bonnie, wobbled, tired

A Rocking Halloween

The Halloween party was in full swing as people frolicked around the open field. Josie was wearing a vintage flapper dress and Bob was wearing a Batman costume. They ran off to the nearby woods and were in a passionate embrace when the earth below them rumbled.

“Earthquake!” someone yelled.

Everyone panicked as they tried to flee down the mountaintop. Josie cursed as she stepped in a pile of moose dung, twisting her ankle.

The event made the headlines the next day. “There wasn’t an earthquake,” geologists said. “It was just an orogenetic event; a mountain was born.”

Word prompts: flee, frolicked, passionate, Batman, moose dung and orogenetic