“He's got a tux on, look at him
now with a tux on,
He's gonna get one with a tux on,
free admission with a tux on,
Get it anyway with a tux on,
He's got a tux on the easy way
with a tux on, tux on.”*
Marv hit rewind and listened to
the words again. The easy way, he thought as he glanced down at the coiled rope
on the seat next to him.
He wondered if his family would bury him in a tux or in
the ridiculous suit he wore to job interviews and weddings.
Marv drove down the main street
as he called his seven ex-wives, his soon-to-be ex-wife and his girlfriend. He
asked them all to meet him at his apartment at 7 PM. That would give him a
couple of hours to make the final preparations.
* * *
The nine women were surprised as,
one by one, they appeared in the lobby to Marv’s apartment building. Their
chatter made them sound like a gaggle of geese. They asked each other if they
knew what was going on but no one knew more than he’d told them on the phone.
Dana, Marv’s current wife,
punched in the security code and the group of women entered the elevator. As
they traveled to the fourteenth floor they became silent. They looked at each
other, wondering what Marv was up to this time.
Dana unlocked the door and gasped
when she pushed it open. The room was filled with flowers, one bouquet of
favorite flowers for each wife and girlfriend. Candles were lit everywhere. A
banquet of their favorite foods was laid out on a table and nine bottles of
wine, the favorite of each woman.
The women were stunned. The
evidence that Marv had been listening to them stood before them. They wandered
around the room silently just looking at the things Marv had left for them.
“Where’s Marv?” Jerri, Marv’s
third wife, finally asked after they began eating.
“Probably watching on video
camera or something perverse like that,” Sheila, his fifth wife, answered. They
all laughed.
Just then Betty, his girlfriend,
noticed a package at the end of the banquet table. It was simply addressed: To the
Women I’ve Loved. She picked it up and quickly unwrapped it as the others
huddled around her. Inside the velveteen box was a note. She read it out loud.
“Thank you for being part of my
life. I am sorry I was a horrible husband and lover. To make amends, I’ve granted
your wish.
Love, Marv
PS -- You’ll find your present in
the bedroom.”
The women ran down the hall to
the bedroom and rushed to open the door. They stopped and gasped in horror as
they saw Marv hanging from the ceiling. Marv had granted each of their wish: He
had dropped dead.
* “Tux On” by Derek William Dick
Published by EMI Music Publishing
Copyright 1987
United Kingdom
