When Pigs Fly

Dan pulled the last package of bacon from the fridge to make a large hearty breakfast for the family. “I guess it’s time to take Big Boy to the abattoir,” he said as he laid several slices of the meat on the griddle.

“No! I love BB!” Janice, his ten year old daughter, protested. She ran out of the house to the pig pen and threw her chubby arms around the pig's neck as tears streamed down her young face.

“Make sure the bacon doesn’t burn,” Dan said to his wife, Diane, then followed Janice.

“I saw a spider web…up in the corner of the barn...it said BB is a special pig!” she said between sobs.

Dan frowned. “I thought we got that damned spider book banned. It has caused us pig farmers more hassle than anything else. BB is special and he is going to be delicious. Now go get ready for school.”

Janice whispered into the pig's ear as she gave it another hug then glared at Dan before stomping across the yard and into the house.

The pig looked up at him with his big brown eyes and oinked at him several times. “What? We don’t have pet pigs! You are livestock and were bought to be butchered. You did your job of growing plump, now I need to do mine,” Dan explained. He scratched the pig’s head behind the ears then gently said, “It isn’t anything personal, Big Boy. It’s farm life.”

Dan went back inside to finish making breakfast and eat. After Janice was safely ensconced on the school bus, he went back out to the barn to get the large crate ready for BB’s journey then loaded the pig into it. The butcher was coming later that afternoon to pick BB up and take him to the abattoir. When he was done, Dan went inside for lunch.

“What's all that?” Diane asked as she paused from making chicken salad from last night’s leftovers. She pointed out the kitchen window with the knife she’d been using. Dan jumped up and looked out the window, following the direction of the knife.

At least one hundred large helium balloons floated up past the barn and into the sky. They were soon followed by the pig crate.

“Goddammit, Janice! That girl needs to stop reading and watching movies!” Dan hollered then grabbed his shotgun. He ran outside and started shooting at the balloons. He didn't have enough ammo to make a dent in their number and his anger caused him to miss most of them.

Janice was standing in the yard as she watched the pig crate move across the sky. There was a smug smile on her face. “I told you—he’s too special to become bacon.”

“I hope you’re happy. Now he’s too far away to do either of us any good. I’ll call the sheriff’s office and tell them to be on the lookout for him,” Dan replied then went inside to eat his lunch and tell the butcher the pig no longer needed to be picked up.

The pig flew on the north easterly winds for more than an hour. The balloons slowly deflated and BB landed with a thud, the crate fell apart and revealed a dazed and confused pig. He had miraculously handed on the front lawn of the abattoir.

The butcher called Dan. “I wasn’t expecting an air delivery today, but I’m pretty sure your pig just landed in my front yard. Do you want me to bring him home? Or do you still want me to cut him up?”

“Darn tootin’ I want him cut up. See if you can manage a rack of ribs and a couple of roasts too.”

“Will do. Your meat will be ready in about a week.”

Dan hung up the phone and laughed. He turned to his wife and said, “I guess when pigs fly, amazing things really can happen.”

Prompts: abattoir, fly, hearty, and house

Ned the Alien?

Nora could not convince them that Ned was an alien.

He looked too normal. Ned’s skin was very pale white and he had blue eyes. His head was bald. He was average height and rotund with a beer belly. The clothes he wore were Dad chic.

Ned spoke perfect English, though he had an odd accent no one could place.

Nora had no choice. She grabbed a mirror and held it up to Ned. In the reflection was a monstrous alien. Ned roared angrily.

Everyone believed her now, but it was too late. Ned was already eating everyone in sight.

Bones

“Follow the bones, they always know.” Her guide laughed at his own joke as he carefully made his way along the dry desert ridge. It was dotted with white flags marking each bone found. They hung limply without a hint of wind to move them or provide any relief. “It’d be nice if they led to shade.”

There wasn’t a tree or rocky cropping for as far as she could see to provide any relief. She was thankful that her visit to this barren landscape was going to be short. She wrote notes about the flags, then went back to watching him work.

Despite the heat, the dinosaur hunter was wearing jeans, cowboy boots, and a long-sleeve shirt. On top of his balding head was a well-worn cowboy hat. She supposed it made sense as it was dirty, potentially dangerous work. His clothes would protect from thorny bushes, sharp rocks, and the bright midday sun. She wished she’d dressed as smartly and hadn’t insisted that safari-wear would be perfect.

He handed her a flask. “Drink some water. You’ll never get your ‘For Dummies’ book written if you die out here and join the dinos.”

He pointed to a pile of white objects. “Well, I’ll be damned!”

“What?”

“Don’t you see it? There’s a handful of T-rex teeth.”

“Is that good?”

“Are you kidding? This could be the find of a lifetime.” He handed her a knife and brush. “Make yourself useful.”

And that’s how she became a bone-fied dinosaur hunter.

The Alien Who Cried Earthling

“Pods ... we must get into the pods ... must save ourselves in the pods!” young Ceoxilli cried as he ran into the throne room.

“What are you going on about?” King Iippi demanded.

“They’re … they … they’re here!”

“Who’s here?!”

“The Earthlings!”

“That’s what you said last week and the week before. Go to your room and don’t keep telling me these fanciful tales.”

“But they are here! I saw them … for real! I’m not lying.” Ceoxilli looked out the window, hoping one would pass by so he could prove that he was telling the truth.

“No one has time for your imaginations. Now go!”

Ceoxilli growled then ran to the safe room in the basement and locked himself in. He turned the news on his phone and waited for the attack. Hours passed and still no attack. He knew he’d seen Earthlings and was sure they would be up to no good.

He found the food supply and anxiously started eating as the battery on his phone slowly slipped away. He fell into a carbohydrate coma. His dreams were full of Earthlings going through his things and putting them into bags to take back to Earth and show everyone.

Ceoxilli was mortified when they found his underwear and laughed at the animals and galaxies. “These are adorable,” one said. “The little girl who wears these must be so cute … for an alien anyway.” In his dream, Ceoxilli was infuriated. He was a teenage boy. Not a little girl!

He jumped out from his hiding spot and attacked them with his pocket knife. They laughed at him and held him at arm’s length as he tried to slash them. “This is a feisty one. I bet the Galactic Zoo would love a specimen.”

The Earthlings put him in a sack then cut some air holes into the bag. They tossed him on the pile with the other bags. Ceoxilli was livid now. First they called him a girl, then they were going to put him in a zoo? Not if he could do anything about it.

His skin started to get red hot and he could smell the fabric starting to burn, releasing smoke into the room. The Earthlings started to cough, choking on the polluted air. He laughed as the bag burst into flame and he slipped out unscathed.

“Go, go, go!” one of the Earthlings cried out! Ceoxilli chased them down the hall and out of the castle. He was jumping up and down. He’d saved his family and his dignity.
 

“Ceoxilli, let us in!” King Iippi called out through the door. “We have been searching for you all over!”

The teen’s eyes flickered open and he panicked when he realized he wasn’t in his room then remembered he was in the safe room. He stumbled to the door and threw it open, relieved to hear his father’s voice again.

“Sucker!” the Earthlings yelled, then laughed as Ceoxilli tried to jump away and slam the door shut but it was too late, they had already grabbed him and there was no escape. He wished he could get red hot like in his dreams, but that wasn’t possible. “Put him in the bag with the rest of them. The Galactic Zoo will pay good money for a young specimen.”

They were tossed into the decontamination room with the other aliens that had been rounded up then the ship took off for the Earthling base on Mars. Ceoxilli glared at his father, who replied with a shrug, “Liars are not believed—even when they speak the truth.”